The newly appointed US Ambassador to Iceland, William Long, this week apologised for ‘joking’ about Iceland becoming the 52nd state. Hold on a minute! Does that mean he’s assuming Canada will become the 51st state (old news) or Greenland (currently in the news)… or?
Why don’t we just call everything Orangeland?! It would make it much easier to keep up.
In ‘The Orange Man’, Tom Bone plans to make Mars the 51st state. Reality is increasingly becoming stranger than fiction – but here’s an extract from the book.
The excerpt comes from towards the end (spoiler alert) when it has become clear that Tom Bone is the President-elect. He has just taken to TruthMedia, his social media platform, to announce it.
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Now the picture went dark, and an opening crawl of text began to John Williams’ music:
Not so very long ago in this galaxy, America was the greatest nation on earth… Then the liberal elite took over and we lost our way. Now it’s time to make America REAL again!
The music continued until the words had floated off into the distance. When it stopped, a caption appeared at the bottom of the picture – ‘A TruthMedia exclusive. To be used only under licence.’ – and an earnest female voice took over:
‘We are taking you live now to NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena where, we have just been told, Tom Bone is about to make an announcement. We should be able to see him any moment now.’
The caption remained at the bottom of the picture and the feed cut to a mock-up of a Mars Curiosity rover proudly carrying the American flag. As it slowly advanced, Tom Bone and Chuck Attar came into view walking behind it. The rover accompanied them to a lectern inside the mission control centre. They stood side by side in front of a large screen projecting an image of a rusty red planet with a caption emblazoned across it ‘Believe in Mars’.
The Orange Man spoke.
‘My fellow Americans, this is a great day. I knew all along this day would be great. When I was reborn, and God told me I would be President, I trusted him. God doesn’t lie. He is real. And sure enough, here I am in front of you, ready. I am ready to serve. I am ready to be your next President. I am ready to bring God’s work to the White House. I am ready to make America REAL again. America, thank you for your vote.
‘Remember my first rally? That was Truth Day. Today is R minus seventy-five. In seventy-five days, it will be Reality Day when I start to make America REAL again. On that day, I will appoint Chuck Attar here as my Director of Reality and I will rename the White House Reality House. We will seek out the truth and we will make America REAL again.
‘We used to be the greatest nation on earth and with me in charge, we will be again. We have landed men on the moon six times. No other nation has done that even once and now I commit that we will land men on Mars, and when we do, we will own it. Mars will be the fifty first state, my fellow Americans.
‘Mars is real, and Mars will help make America REAL again. Believe in Mars! You may not know this, but in Greek times, Mars was the God of war. And I am declaring war today on any country that takes America for granted. It’s what will make us real again. Believe in Mars!
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